MATADOR ABROAD: The Origin of the Ugly American

Read my article on Matador Abroad: The Origin of the Ugly American

Submissive to Too Much Eye Glitter

"I'm sorry I can't speak any louder," she mumbled through closed lips. "If I do, my make-up will be ruined."

Now, I've seen wedding reality shows in the US, and attended weddings where one bride almost fainted and one actually fainted from not eating to squeeze into their 'perfect' wedding dress. But the glitz and glamour of South Asian weddings is beyond sanity. This--on top of the need for women to look whiter. I spent two hours waiting in a beauty parlor waiting for my friends getting their hair and make-up done for the wedding. The bride was there for a total of four hours. Sitting in the waiting room, I watched several brides come out in full dress and make-up. Each one was more sparkly than the next, and each bride had about an inch of white make-up caked on their skin, neck, and even hands.

I attended my friend Rashna's post-wedding dinner, where the couple first presents themselves as a married couple. On the car ride over, Rashna told me she was exhausted and just wanted some water but didn't have time between the parlor and reception. Brides traditionally are to be quiet and submissive during the wedding, with eyes cast down. In wedding I attended in Kolkata, a part of the ceremony was the bride holding leaves over eyes to keep from disrespecting her husband by looking at him directly. Rashna's eyes were down-cast even before we arrived; not because of traditional cultural roles, but because her eye glitter was too heavy. In the second floor of a large restaurant, she entered to a room of people waiting for her to join her husband on a small stage for photos. With at least 6 professional photographers and dozens upon dozens of guests with camera phones, the photo session lasted for 3 hours. The couple just sat, shoulder to shoulder, as all the guests came up to take photos with them.

Finally, Rashna and Arif sat for dinner. I had the privileged seat to sit next to the bride, which I immediately poured her a big glass of water. She gobbled up her meal and didn't say a word to anyone. Before the wedding, she was teeming with excited. Now, on the last day, I imagine she just wanted the make-up off and the photos finished. Who could blame her?

It makes you think: why all this pain and fuss for a few days? Mostly there is pressure from family to have a 'good' wedding, and to take 1,000 photos to show off like the neighbors did. We are so obedient to these social roles and expectations, as well as to these fairy tale fantasies that we forget why we dressed up in the first place. A Reverend friend told me recently that each bride spends exuberant money and time to make her wedding reach this unattainable fantasy, that winds up being the exact replica of the wedding the next room over. "Every bride thinks her wedding is unique, but when you attend one every weekend, you know most aren't." Seeing all the women in the parlor, I see it's not limited to the US.

Article: The Ghost Within

An amazing piece about an American woman who has found lumps in her body, and her explanation why.

This is further proof that sex work is in most cases not a 'choice' of a woman, how she isn't stupid or drug-addicted, how she CAN bring herself out of the mess she was forced in.. and how our society forces them to view themselves.

Journey by Emma Thompson

Way to go Emma Thompson!! If you are lucky enough to live in New York (i miss her), check out Thompson's anti-trafficking exhibit called "Journey".. and report back!

Update 11/16: My amazing friend Jika Gonzalez went to see Journey, here's her entry on it:

http://metrosection.wordpress.com/2009/11/12/journey/

With Privilege Comes Responsibility: The Case of Corrupt Governments

I’ve been thinking about superheroes stories. In all the comics, movies and tales, when one is given extraordinary powers, they either execute them for good or evil. Obvious that those who choose to use their new power for evil do so to gain more power over those who are weaker—a pathetic and unsophisticated way to spend your time here on Earth. What interests me more is the urge of responsibility heroes like Superman and Spiderman felt with their power. Their superpowers are a privilege, an obvious advantage over the rest of the human population. With this privilege, they felt an overwhelming responsibility to protect and spread their privilege.

Note the word ‘superpower’ and think about today’s politics...

A story meriting little mention to the world was an assassination attempt here in Dhaka a couple of weeks ago. The attack was aimed at Fazle Noor Taposh, a lawmaker and nephew of the Prime Minister of the Awami League party Sheikh Hasina; only 13 people were reported to have been wounded.

I was told this the morning of my last day of Bangla class. My teacher Pulok revealed the story to Hiroto and I. Somehow I brought up the corruption of the Bangladesh government, listed to be the second most corrupt government in the world according to Nation Master. I began to argue that the Bangladeshi people kept the government corrupt by electing the same officials and politicians who don’t do much for citizens.

“How can we elect new politicians when you can’t become a politician without money?" said Pulok-Da. "The same people keep getting reelected because it’s the same people who have all the money.” It’s something I’ve noticed too; there is a very small middle class in Bangladesh, mostly living in Dhaka. And when they are poor – they are destitute. When they are rich – they. are. RICH! I’ve seen Escaldes almost flatten beggars on Mirpur Road.

Pulok-da went on to say that it is up to America to end corruption in government (and other Western governments, but we’ll use America as the example because the world DOES use us as an example: we are both the lock and the key to the worlds problems.) “It’s up to America to put pressure on our government to change her ways of corruption. America has already done that with Islamic fundamentalism—and it’s working! Believe me that there are less violent uprisings and radical groups than a few years back. A lot of it has to do with the money America gives to us to suppress these radical regimes, and the investigations to confirm the money is spent to end these violent ideologies. If America would only do the same for our corrupt government, maybe we would get somewhere.”

I stated that yes, external pressure from governments does have some effect (i.e. South Africa’s apartheid), but pressure has to come internally—from the people themselves. Pulok-da looked up and said, “With what rights? This is not a democracy, only a façade. I have no say. The police can arrest and frame me for anything. If Obama’s daughter committed a murder, she would be jailed, she is not protected just because she is a VIP. But here, if Sheik Hasina’s cousin did the same, he would be protected. Even with my job, I have to listen to everything my boss says. If he said to walk from my house to my work, a trip of over 4 hours, I would have to. I risk losing my job if I ever disobey and how will a find another? You must listen to your boss in the US but you have rights and you can argue and still keep your job. If you were unlawfully fired or hurt, you can seek retribution. We can’t argue here. No, we need you.”

America’s superpower is that of voice—the freedom and the protection of our voices. Let’s think clearly of how we are going to decide to use it. Unlike other superheroes who didn’t ask for their privilege, we created our superpower and with it our responsibility.

Life is always more complicated than a comic strip, but perhaps our principles can be more simplified...

Follow-up: Response to Nikolas Kristof's Op-Ed

Am I an imperialist?

I have been asked some good questions my move to Bangladesh -- questions concerned about imposing Western values onto another culture.  That I, as a Western women human rights advocate, am forcing ideas and beliefs on another culture.

Exploring the evils of ethnocentrism is covered in Anthropology 101.  But it's one thing to discuss in a classroom, and then put into practice in a very foreign country.  

I consider myself very academically sensitive to modern imperialism (if you interested more, please email me and I will send you my thesis). My intent is to go to Bangladesh not as an imperialist but as an ally.  There are Bengali women on the ground fighting  to stop trafficking, the victims themselves wish for better options and lives for themselves, their families and their trafficked peers.  In the end, it comes down to voice and the ability to have it heard.  I go to Bangladesh on this project to support them, learn about them and exchange with them to find the best ways for them to achieve their goals.  I lend my voice and writing to their cause.

Of course, my intentions are not what always will happen: there will be people who will view me as an imperialist and find my presence unwanted.  I must respect it and be ready to step away, no matter how passionately I feel.

However, above my role as an anthropologist - I am a human, and a humanitarian. If atrocities continue, I won't go down without a fight.