Holes Carved in my Soul: The Final Word

I am almost back in the United States. What a year it has been. To begin to describe the Fulbright journey is to begin a novel of my personal and professional growth. As I sit here in the Edinburgh airport waiting for my flight to New York, I leave Bangladesh free as bird. Not that Bangladesh ever caged me. It was my frightened, insecure ego that kept me confined. But Fulbright and Bangladesh gave enough space to spread my wings and discover a world of endless possibilities--a world available to me if I climbed out of that shell and believed.

My heart still aches for Bangladesh: for the work that finally came together, for the friends who stole my heart, for the passion of such a congested place. I passed through Kolkata on my home, stepping into memories where the paagli didi journey began--I know I'll be back in Bangladesh at some point. My first visit to India effected me enough that I went back. Then when Bengal touched my heart, I came back again. I've proven that when I care about a place, I manage to find a way back.

So here is the end of my Fulbright experience in Bangladesh. I recommend Fulbright (or any similar scholarship) to any young person wanting a challenge. It has been the most rewarding experience in my life (though young, I've had plenty of amazing experiences). As for Bangladesh: when people ask the trite question, "What is Bangladesh like?" My answer is always "intense and beautiful." South Asia is just raw and real, that's what's beautiful. To paraphrase a metaphor by poet Andrea Gibson, Bangladesh is a knife that carves holes in your soul so beauty can make its way inside.

Endless thanks to those who were a part of this odyssey, both in Bangladesh and abroad. The shape of the journey depends on the company, and your company enveloped me in love. So love is all I experienced.

If anyone is interested in learning more about women's empowerment, Bangladesh or the Fulbright scholarship, please email me at amanda dot ferrandino (at) gmail dot com.

Submissive to Too Much Eye Glitter

"I'm sorry I can't speak any louder," she mumbled through closed lips. "If I do, my make-up will be ruined."

Now, I've seen wedding reality shows in the US, and attended weddings where one bride almost fainted and one actually fainted from not eating to squeeze into their 'perfect' wedding dress. But the glitz and glamour of South Asian weddings is beyond sanity. This--on top of the need for women to look whiter. I spent two hours waiting in a beauty parlor waiting for my friends getting their hair and make-up done for the wedding. The bride was there for a total of four hours. Sitting in the waiting room, I watched several brides come out in full dress and make-up. Each one was more sparkly than the next, and each bride had about an inch of white make-up caked on their skin, neck, and even hands.

I attended my friend Rashna's post-wedding dinner, where the couple first presents themselves as a married couple. On the car ride over, Rashna told me she was exhausted and just wanted some water but didn't have time between the parlor and reception. Brides traditionally are to be quiet and submissive during the wedding, with eyes cast down. In wedding I attended in Kolkata, a part of the ceremony was the bride holding leaves over eyes to keep from disrespecting her husband by looking at him directly. Rashna's eyes were down-cast even before we arrived; not because of traditional cultural roles, but because her eye glitter was too heavy. In the second floor of a large restaurant, she entered to a room of people waiting for her to join her husband on a small stage for photos. With at least 6 professional photographers and dozens upon dozens of guests with camera phones, the photo session lasted for 3 hours. The couple just sat, shoulder to shoulder, as all the guests came up to take photos with them.

Finally, Rashna and Arif sat for dinner. I had the privileged seat to sit next to the bride, which I immediately poured her a big glass of water. She gobbled up her meal and didn't say a word to anyone. Before the wedding, she was teeming with excited. Now, on the last day, I imagine she just wanted the make-up off and the photos finished. Who could blame her?

It makes you think: why all this pain and fuss for a few days? Mostly there is pressure from family to have a 'good' wedding, and to take 1,000 photos to show off like the neighbors did. We are so obedient to these social roles and expectations, as well as to these fairy tale fantasies that we forget why we dressed up in the first place. A Reverend friend told me recently that each bride spends exuberant money and time to make her wedding reach this unattainable fantasy, that winds up being the exact replica of the wedding the next room over. "Every bride thinks her wedding is unique, but when you attend one every weekend, you know most aren't." Seeing all the women in the parlor, I see it's not limited to the US.

Desi Time

It's common joke that in South Asia: there is digital time, and there is desi time. One hour in digital time is one hour. One hour in desi time could be up to about four hours. Time is viewed so differently that it's frustrating for a New Yorker living in Dhaka, Bangladesh to be patient during late appointments and hours spent making one decision. Being here for 6 months, I've considered myself adjusted and daily brush it off as a cultural trait I'd have to 'deal with.' But then I given funny insight that made me view it differently.

Flying back to Dhaka from Kolkata, India, my ticket itinerary reads that I will land at 4:15pm January 6th. I tell my Bangladeshi friend to pick me up at 5pm. After going through immigration and baggage claim, my phone reads 4:40. I call my friend, who answers the phone, surprised, "Are you at the airport? I haven't even left the apartment yet! You said to be there at 5.. it will take over an hour to reach you." Rolling my eyes, "Well, it's a bit early , I guess. No worries, I'll take a taxi." I shrugged off her lateness, relaying it as a desi trait.

After surviving the hour long, traffic and polluted ride to my apartment, I arrive exhausted. "What time is it?" I ask my Bangladeshi auntie. "Five," she responds. Umm, wait--how? I left the airport at 4:50 and certainly spent well over an hour in traffic, how it is five o'clock? Thinking she's nuts, I log online and google "Dhaka time". It reads 6:04pm. As does my phone. Jet lagged and confused, I text a friend: "weird question, what time is it?" He responds, "Haha not so weird cuz we change the time 1 hour back while you were away. it's 5:08."

Bangladesh, already having her own time zone, decided for the first time to have Daylight Savings on June 19th, where they pushed their clocks ahead one hour. They then decided to change back on January 1st, where they technically had two midnights.

But no one knew. My flight itinerary didn't know, the airline didn't know, India didn't know, even the internet was (and still is) wrong! Bangladesh citizens were cued in, the world was not. My friend was going to be on time to pick me up, I was the one who was in the wrong--and was an hour early. Shame on me!

Sitting on my bed, fitting all these pieces together, I realized how I could always view desi time in that way. I joke that in New York: if you're told to be somewhere at 9, you arrive at 8:50. In Dhaka, if you tell someone to arrive at 9, they will stroll is around 10:05. I always viewed them as late, but in all reality, they are on time, just a different kind of time. Maybe New York is too on edge and needs to be late sometimes. Adapting is not to just recognize and simply 'deal with' a cultural nuance as if 'they' are wrong, but to truly adopt a different view.

Now my friends are pissed because I’m late all the time. When in Rome, I say!

South Asian Education and Development: Rooted in Histories

From missing internet for a dreadful two whole weeks (half sarcasm noted), I missed some news and good articles. Thanks to Neelofer, she sent me Nicholas Kristof’s article, “More Schools, Not Troops.”

Now, I debate with myself over Nicholas Kristof and the sincerity and authenticity of this work. This article was one of disappointment.

I can agree with Kristof’s overall point: a message to the US government to stop bombing countries and start to develop them by providing schools. This is one of the best ways to bring recurring, deep change. He brought up Greg Mortenson, a humanitarian I have mentioned before who has pioneered building schools in Pakistan and Afghanistan with his bare hands (not an expression, actually true.) Kristof noted that these schools are secular and are not being threatened and are welcomed by the community. Rich Islamic extremists are building schools that teach solely radical Islam, which end up being the only outlet for poor families to give their children an education. If extremists are investing in the youth to spread a particular message, can’t we start to invest in schools to spread a more secular message?

Then Kristof compared Pakistan with Bangladesh. First off, not a good idea. The two nations may have been one 50 years back but that in no means allows for a comparison: the Pakistan of 1947-1971 was forced by the British, nations separated by their enemy, India, speaking separate languages with differing cultures and economies. These differences lead to the Liberation War making Bangladesh it's own country. Pakistan is to Bangladesh as the US is to Nicaragua. To this day I don’t know how India survives with it’s own diversity.

Kristof makes the comparison that Bangladesh focused on education since becoming it’s own nation in a way that Pakistan never did. But Bangladesh received more help than Pakistan. Bangladesh was the poster-child of a desperate nation so much so that George Harrison along with Ravi Shankar held a concert in New York in 1971 to send money through UNICEF. No one did that for Pakistan. Also, Bangladesh has become the ‘development capital of the world’—education not the only focus but providing medical, social and environmental services. Education will do nothing if the current surrounding society isn’t improved. Kristof then claimed that, “Bangladesh now has more girls in high school than boys.”

At first I wondered how accurate of a statistic this is (it was not referenced). Looking at UNICEF, it seems that Bangladesh is a forerunner in achieving equality of gender enrollment in schools. Enrollment is one thing; attendance and continuing education are another--25% of Bangladeshi girls don't actually finish their primary school education according to UNESCO 2007. Kristof then says that “those Bangladeshi women joined the labor force, laying the foundation for a garment industry…” Educated women do not go into the garment industry. This industry is one of mostly unskilled labor for the most part so much so that children can work there.

The next day, I mentioned the article to an amazing friend; his father is Burmese, and his mother Persian, they met in Chittagong, Bangladesh then moved to New Jersey. He speaks English, Bangla, Urdu and local Chittagong language. He agreed, and shared some of his insight by mentioning how Bangladesh is very homogeneous: everyone speaks the same language (though dialects) and it is a very small country where it is easy to travel (via river or over the land which is mostly flat). Also add into the fact that Bangladesh fought for their country: an instant camaraderie existed as all Bangladeshis fought behind Bangabadhu for their language and culture. It was their choice and their families and neighbors as one.

Pakistan, even Afghanistan, are quite heterogeneous where communication between tribes is difficult over endless hills, too much desert and a myriad of languages. Perhaps now Afghanistan and Pakistan are uniting in their own countries—but at the rate we’re going it’s going to be in hatred against us.

While I support Kristof’s, I urge him not to compare too much two different societies. Of course, use one as an example but take into account the different histories that lead to the differences that exist today.

Sexual Harassment: Is separate space helping to integrate the sexes?

New York Times: Indian Women Find New Peace in Rail Commute

The above article discusses how in India, there are now separate train cars for 'ladies only' to commute due to the sexual harassment that occurs from their male peers.

Believe me, I understand what they're feeling.  In some Bangladesh buses, the front seats are saved for women.  A few weeks ago, I sat in the back of a bus for the first time and was groped by a man; actually, a man who worked for the bus.  I smacked him hard on the head but that, of course, changes nothing.  I argue to sit in the front of the bus from now on to avoid harassment...

But I question:  is creating separate space harmful or helpful when you are trying to integrate the sexes into the same space?  The title is misleading, saying that there is "new peace" -- but the article goes on to discuss how men are harassing the women more, even defecating on the ladies' train to show disapproval.  Men are not happy - why?  Because their power is being taken away, of course.  Now not only can women get jobs, but now they are encouraged because they can feel comfortable commuting on these new trains.

Until recently, I've played devil's advocate by supporting the hijab, the Muslim head scarf.  I frequently recite something a female friend from Malaysia told me:

"When I was of age, my parents started making me wear the hijab.  I hated it, oh it was the worst.   I used to go to the mall with my friends after school and we'd rip off our hijabs and let our hair flow free.  But as I got older, I started to understand what it meant.  It wasn't to cover me up, but to protect me.  There are a lot of bad people out there, and they know that I am a woman of Allah.  It's like Christians wearing a cross around their neck to show their beliefs..."

I'd share this in my Women and Gender Studies classes, saying that after living in India, sometimes I just wanted to cover up too, hide my body so I won't be harassed.  It is common to say that women should cover up in order not to tempt men into committing sinful deeds, like harassment or rape.  My female friend in Malaysia said that they feel more protected from the eyes of dirty men in their hijab.  Outside of religious context, I compare the 'ladies only' trains to the wearing of the hijab for the purpose of protecting women from wandering eyes and hands.

But is hiding and protecting going to change the attitude that it is alright for men to inappropriately touch women?  Is wearing a hijab going to stop a man from realizing you have breasts that he could grope?  Is keeping all the women at the front of the bus or in separate cars suddenly disintegrate their immoral desires?  Instead of separating women, shouldn't they be teaching men to withhold and destroy these desires?  When did hiding or running away from the problem actually solve it?

What needs to happen is an attitude change: a change in the male perspective from aggression to acceptance and understanding of the positive effects of women empowerment.  I've read articles of both Western and local women and men giving lectures about positive aspects of women's empowerment to men.  I've read signs placed in public spaces by the government and NGOs declaring the value of women's housework.  But how often is our life changed by reading a sign during traffic?

One major problem I believe is implementation via the police.  The NYT article states that violence against women as increased: "Between 2003 and 2007, rape cases rose by more than 30 percent, kidnapping or abduction cases rose by more than 50 percent, while torture and molestation also jumped sharply."  A story is told about a woman who was beat by her husband for having a Western haircut.  What happened to the husband?  Did he do what is commonly done and pay off the police and got off scot-free?

The government is in favor of women's rights and empowerment, clearly stated in their order to universities to allow women to wear jeans, though the universities consider it 'indecent.'  The government funded the 'ladies only' trains in an effort to allow women to take outside jobs.  But, how often does the government force implementation on the rights violations of women?  How often are men imprisoned for rape and assault against women?  The violent acts are increasing, is imprisonment increasing at the same rate?

If Indian women, and the government they vote for* are making the decision to step outside the home and break down traditional patriarchal structures, hiding in private cars and under loose clothes will not change inherent animosity from those who take stock in patriarchy.  The women and it's government must be prepared to fight and show that this isn't temporary.  They must not stand silently during harassment, and the government should prove that it will not stand for the increased violence that occurs.  They must prove that this change is not temporary.

For further information, check out the Pink Campaign for Women's Empowerment in India.

*India is the world's largest democracy.

And thanks, Courtney Parks, for sending me this article!

A Little History of Bangla

Intrigued by my language classes, I did a little research and asked around to find the history and importance of Bangla.

Bangla (sometimes refered to as Bengali) is a member of the Indic group of 

Indo Iranian or Aryan branch of the Indo–European family of languages. Oddly enough, the British Raj beginning in the mid-1800s stimulated the value of Bangla.  Authors became interested in Calcutta and Dhaka, with Calcutta being

 the capital of India at the time and Dhaka a large trading port.  English writers learned Bangla and translated literature.  The poet Rabindranath Tagore was the first Asian man to win a Nobel Prize in 1913; he was Bengali.  With the invasion and cultural control of the British, using Bangla was a way to assert their cultural heritage.

With the Indian Partition and religious diaspora (Hindus to India, Muslims to Pakistan), East Bengal (East Pakistan) was being forced by the Pakistani government to speak 'Urdu and Urdu only.'  This was the last straw: East Pakistan  created the Bangla Language Movement of 1952, the first move towards independence.  People, including students, held riots fighting for their national identity that was tied their language.  After West Pakistan did little after 500,000 people died in a cyclone, Bangladesh fought for its independence in the Liberation War in 1971.

The language is strongly tied to the culture and it's nationalism.  Upper class Bangladeshis know English pretty well, and it is a requirement for university.  Lower class Bangladeshis know a few words (prices, food).  But everyone speaks Bangla perfectly. An example of how language is tied to culture is saying, 'I go now.' In Bangla, they say, 'ami ekhon ashi' which literally means, 'now I come.'  My teacher explained that Bangladeshis do not like to end encounters.  If you say, "I go now" they will insist you stay. If you say 'I come now' it is like saying "I am moving locations away from you but I am not going anywhere."  Maybe odd to you, but there is such hospitality that 'going' implied that the friendship has ended.

While I'm still struggling with the sounds, my vocabulary is growing and I hope to be comfortable soon!

Behind the Paagli Didi

For those who are new to the World That Is Amanda – the title of this blog may seem strange. So let me put fingers to keys and share with you the meaning behind paagli didi.

I wrote this last year when I worked in a shelter in Kolkata; a shelter for young women and girls who have been abused.  Working with two other students, we became close to these girls simply by spending time with them as they got ready in the morning.  Click here for one story.

Without language comprehension, I learned more about the horrific power these young women were subject to.  I saw my own strength, then the need that surrounded me, the need for that strength. It was here where I learned my role: paagli didi. In Bangla, it translates to ‘crazy older sister,’ and was the nickname given to me by the women I loved. Originally meant as a tease for myself and my friend Emily, I did not comprehend the gravity of this phrase’s precision. Its meaning has left such an indelible impression on me that these words, in Bengali, are tattooed on my wrist. It was here, at the feet of my Bengali sisters, that I discovered my role as paagli didi. With the concern and wisdom of an older sister, I needed to share my instinctive energy and compassion, and in turn, learn from others. Big sisters learn from their siblings as much as she teaches them.  It’s the perfect role for me: I am not a saint, nor am I selfish, I am a sister and we exchange love for growth.

holding hands with one of my crazy little sisters

In short, I have so much love that I want to encompass anyone who needs it.  I don’t think of myself as particularly talented, but I give a lot of hugs, I know how to start a thrilling dance party, and I speak with a lot of conviction.  It’s a slow process, but it is not just a career goal, but a lifestyle.

Click here for additional stories of my little sisters.

God is Great

Finishing up my last few days of logistics, I decided to apply for my India visa here in the US (hoping for less hassle).  I am visiting some old classmates in Kolkata for some holidays, especially the Durga Puja in October :)

Waiting on line to apply for a visa, I wound up chatting with an interesting man from Hyderabad.  Talking about our families and careers, he shared that he is currently a financial adviser, teaching people to become financially independent.  I asked what his biggest piece of advice was and he said the first step to becoming financially independent is to know what you want.  Interesting, huh?

So standing on this visa line, there are twenty signs of Incredible !ndia.  We started discussing the different states we've visited in India.  He was describing Kerala then stopped, remembering the grandeur.  I agreed, that there were too many words to describe the beauty of India and he responded that the US is the same: "My wife and I are trying to go to Alaska, I hear it's...stunning."

There we were: two people of different birthplaces, loving the other's native country.  I wondered if our desire for the other country was heightened by being in the presence of a native.  But then he said it as perfect as possible, "God is great." It's not about nationality, it's being part of something greater and appreciating it. 

Fulbright Project

STATEMENT OF GRANT PURPOSE
Amanda Fxxxxxxx, Bangladesh, Anthropology
The Effects of Grassroots Programs on Women Victims of Trafficking

In my research project, I will investigate the different rehabilitation initiatives of non-governmental and community based organizations’ anti-trafficking programs in Dhaka, Bangladesh. Reviewing the progress of their after-care programs will identify successful components of model programs for the autonomy of the women and girls they serve. Through sponsorship of Dr. Rxxxxx (letter forthcoming) from the Development Studies Department at Dhaka University, I will conduct structured interviews with various anti-trafficking advocates to explore their opinions on the programs. These interviewees will include members of NGO organizations, activists of women’s rights, and the women themselves who are living in post-trafficking shelters. To gain more access into the lives of these women, I intend to volunteer in local shelters to observe firsthand the value of the academic, vocational and therapeutic developmental programs available. My final evaluation will highlight extensively the approaches that best support women’s autonomy after commercial sexual exploitation.

My work in the All Bengal Women’s Union in Kolkata, India allowed me to spend personal time with Bangladeshi girls who were sexually exploited. Their stories haunt my mind, and pushed me to promote awareness of sex trafficking and to identify the best methods of rehabilitation and prevention. According to the United States’ Trafficking in Persons Report 2007, Bangladesh has made progress in prosecuting trafficking offenses and in creating awareness campaigns geared towards vulnerable communities, but it relies on NGOs to provide medical and psychosocial care to victims. Illegal migration is a governmental issue, as is the immediate arrest of those who threaten human security through trafficking, as defined in the United Nations’ Report of the Secretary General High-level Panel on Threats, Challenges and Change (2004). However, I will focus on the role of community based organizations and grassroots campaigns to not only provide the rehabilitation of these females, but also to empower their voices to increase the efficacy of prevention programs.

Surrounded by Bangladeshi girls in the shelter, I pushed myself to learn more of the staggering history of Bangladesh. The last 100 years have been unstable for the nation, including several tyrannical leaderships, liberation wars, and economic insecurity. The Bengali woman has struggled to maintain her identity, which has often been crushed by the marginalization of sexual exploitation. An article called “A Tale of Two Cities,” written by Smarajit Jana, argues that the most horrific effect of trafficking is not the nature of the labor, but the outcome that leaves a woman with little or no option to voice herself (2002). With no place for self-expression, many women fall back into the vicious cycle of exploitation. However, yet another trait of Bangladesh is its strength and creativity during adversity. A country with a great academic history and pervasive political activism, Bangladesh has made progressive strides due to grassroots organizations. These shelters offer a freedom that allows victims to discover their roles in society.

I am currently reading articles on this topic in a course I am co-teaching at Pace University entitled “The Impact of Conflict on Women and Children.” With the Critical Language Enhancement Award, I will spend June to August learning Bengali at the University of Wisconsin’s South Asian Summer Language Institute to strengthen my Bengali needed for the interviews. Upon my arrival in Dhaka around September 7th, I will investigate important organizations and shelters within the community that deal with the issues of sex trafficking. Working with local communities and shelters, I can observe the women’s responses and progress from program initiatives. After informally meeting with at least 10 anti-trafficking shelters and at least 8 anti-trafficking activists and experts in the months of September to December, I will develop structured interview questions with Dr. Rxxxxx. During the months of January to April, the interviews will be conducted with advocates and the women involved, to determine the goals and effectiveness of the programs. I will also do brief interviews with women within the shelter I work in and follow their progress throughout their time at the shelter, observing their progress in programs made available to them. With my knowledge of Bengali and a student translator, I will be able to conduct the interviews in the women’s native tongue, allowing them to feel more comfortable. From the months of March to May, Dr. Rxxxx and I will analyze my recordings and notes to outline messages and strategies for a guideline for NGO’s rehabilitation programs. I plan to have my notes cataloged before my departure in June.

This project will investigate the paths of women’s development after their tragic commercial sexual exploitation. Leading to unique insights, messages and strategies, my research can help local organizations further aid the after-care programs of reintegrating females into society. While government based prevention campaigns and enactment of laws are an important step towards elimination, they are not the end all. The demands factors of sex trafficking occur on many levels, such as global injustice, gender and class discrimination, poverty, and a lack of education. Therefore, there needs to be a multilevel approach towards its eradication. Studying the rehabilitation programs can spread awareness to the Bengali community to understand the importance of after-care, as well as teaching Western institutions that “saving” these women from their sexual bonds is not the final step. Reviewing the efforts of local programs from my Western perspective in Bangladesh will allow for a cooperative understanding between Western activists and Bengali advocates, as well as assisting the women in need. The empowerment gained by the women will not only guide them towards self-sufficiency, but to take on leadership roles to disseminate information on the deception and cruelty of sex trade.

The research through this scholarship will provide me with the academic knowledge necessary to produce action. Tying the local communities to global citizenship will be an excellent experience for my career aspirations. I will leave for Bangladesh in September 2009, and upon my return in the summer of 2010, I will work with non-profit organizations to apply my understanding of small focused groups creating change. In fall 2010, I will apply to graduate schools with programs in public and social policy so I can take my appreciation for local organizations and help give them more power at the legislative level.

Books

I can't afford to buy eggs, but I just spent $60 on books -- can you guess the theme?

Interpreter of Maladies - Jhumpa Lahiri
Life of Pi - Yann Martel
Rabindranath Tagore: An Anthology - Krishna Detta and Andrew Robinson
Bangladesh 2000: On the Brink of Civil War - Paul Ryder Ryan

They are to match my favourite books:
Shantaram - G.D. Roberts
God of Small Things - Andrundati Roy