Holes Carved in my Soul: The Final Word

I am almost back in the United States. What a year it has been. To begin to describe the Fulbright journey is to begin a novel of my personal and professional growth. As I sit here in the Edinburgh airport waiting for my flight to New York, I leave Bangladesh free as bird. Not that Bangladesh ever caged me. It was my frightened, insecure ego that kept me confined. But Fulbright and Bangladesh gave enough space to spread my wings and discover a world of endless possibilities--a world available to me if I climbed out of that shell and believed.

My heart still aches for Bangladesh: for the work that finally came together, for the friends who stole my heart, for the passion of such a congested place. I passed through Kolkata on my home, stepping into memories where the paagli didi journey began--I know I'll be back in Bangladesh at some point. My first visit to India effected me enough that I went back. Then when Bengal touched my heart, I came back again. I've proven that when I care about a place, I manage to find a way back.

So here is the end of my Fulbright experience in Bangladesh. I recommend Fulbright (or any similar scholarship) to any young person wanting a challenge. It has been the most rewarding experience in my life (though young, I've had plenty of amazing experiences). As for Bangladesh: when people ask the trite question, "What is Bangladesh like?" My answer is always "intense and beautiful." South Asia is just raw and real, that's what's beautiful. To paraphrase a metaphor by poet Andrea Gibson, Bangladesh is a knife that carves holes in your soul so beauty can make its way inside.

Endless thanks to those who were a part of this odyssey, both in Bangladesh and abroad. The shape of the journey depends on the company, and your company enveloped me in love. So love is all I experienced.

If anyone is interested in learning more about women's empowerment, Bangladesh or the Fulbright scholarship, please email me at amanda dot ferrandino (at) gmail dot com.

NoMadderWhere Interview

Interview a Traveler: The Fulbright Scholar

A fellow '07 SASer, Lindsay Clark, did a little interview on my life here. Enjoy!

A Start to My Project: My Talent As A Human

I haven’t written too much about my work because I don’t know where my field notes will end up so confidentiality must be practiced. I’ll share a smige:

Currently I am working with a center that provides skills training (with certificates) for women who are trying to leave prostitution. In an old part of the city, I spend a few mornings a week with about 20 young women who learn to sew and make crafts for a living. There is one shop here is Bangladesh that sells their work as well as one in Norway.

My goal is to learn about these women in all ways possible: their backgrounds, their stories, their dreams. How did they end up as prostitutes? Why did they come to this center? Is this center helping them the best they can? How do they feel working here? As my Bangla improves, I am being a good anthropologist and performing participant observation. As the women are getting to know and feel comfortable with me, I sit on the floor with them and help them do their crafts. My body is even learning to sit like them for long periods of time (feet flat, knees bent touching shoulders).

My project, like most of my life, is overambitious. It takes months to understand then break into the professional world of this country—proven after speaking with some British women who said it took one year to begin their project on anti-trafficking with a team of ten. I am alone fighting this fight and sometimes I can be my work enemy. So my final work will most likely drift a lot from what I aimed for, but I plan to absorb as much of my topic as possible in the meantime. Fulbright is an amazing opportunity in that I have this flexibility to explore everything I want.

So the women at this center is a great start to hopefully a solid project. But as we learn about each other, I am just enjoying their company and love. Today, I sat on the ground listening to the girls gossip around me, tearing the thick strings out of square piece of green cloth. It felt therapeutic—to work with my hands, creating something, surrounded by these beautiful women all struggling to better their lives. With my current knowledge of Bangla, I’m not good for much except a good laugh and taking photos. But it’s a start—because we can always offer affection. More often than not, it’s returned. My sisters here certainly give it back tenfold…

And it’s vital with this week being an emotional week as I think about this time last year, and a young, unfortunate death. Even more emotional when I think about all those who are affected, mainly my best friend. I urge you all to show affection to those you care about—no reason necessary other than you can.

My First Rickshaw Accident

In the oldest part of Dhaka, aptly named, Old Dhaka – a friend and I went to do some shopping. Taking a CNG from Banani to Old Dhaka, we wandered around aimlessly until we realized we were not near Hindu Street, the main (and best) shopping street in Old Dhaka. It was my friend Sara’s One Year Anniversary of arriving in Bangladesh on the Fulbright, so her Bangla is impeccable. However, as always, none of the dozens of Bengalis following us understands our accent nor can I understand how a sentence is slurred together into one word.

Finally, one rickshaw driver knows the street – which shouldn’t be surprising because it’s the only street to buy all things Hindu. Then we climb onto what we don’t know to be the Rickshaw of Death.

Driving down new streets in Dhaka is bumpy, so driving down old streets is a whole other game. Dhaka makes a joke out of the video driving games in sports arcades. We keep yelling (yes, yelling) at our driver, “Bhai, ashte!” (Brother, slow!) But he is dodging around and through throngs of people, small streets busy with carts full of animal skins and boys playing futbol. At one point, on fairly wide part of the road, two men were walking hand-in-hand from our right side (reminder, South Asia drives on the left side of the road). Our rickshaw-wallah keeps ringing the bell, warning them of our path. To avoid them, he starts to steer around them—to the right. But, they saw us approaching and stopped walking. So, in this misunderstanding: we kept turning right, they stopped walking to our right…

We smashed in one man with the front wheel and kept rolling until we pushed him up onto the wall and into the sewer. As we are colliding into him, Sara clutches my left knee then jumps to the left off the rickshaw. Being on the right side of the seat, I can’t jump out because I’ll hit the wall, so I grip onto the back of the seat and hang on. We plow into the wall—and the man—and ram to a complete stop. I jump out to see that the back wheels of the rickshaw are in the air.

Within 4.7 seconds, 39 Bangladeshis rush to gawk at the scene. Sara grabs my arm and we exchange glances with eyes widened. We have been told that it is not safe to stay near an accident. It is common for people to attack the driver who caused an accident, in essence to punish him. But no real damage was done to anyone except shock. People start to argue but we get onto the rickshaw and drive off. Our wallah apparently didn’t learn his lesson because he kept pedaling and swerving.

We survived, thank Allah. The rest of the day was spent buying cool Hindu pictures and finding cheesey Bangla movie posters. I found one of the singer I danced in the video with, and we found the movie that Sara starred in called "Chaichi Tomar Bondhuta." I bought the movie—it’s a classic, I'll tell 'ya! Some shop owners recognized her and asked her to autograph their hands. Her one-year survival of Bangladesh, gaining the ability to converse in Bangla, have unique experiences (i.e. starring in a movie) and survive the bureaucracy and accomplish her goals gave me hope to do the same. With several promising meetings this week, I hope my field work will begin soon!

Spontaneity and Her Role

To put it politely, the professional world is handled ‘differently’ in Bangladesh. My meetings have been cancelled because someone forgot to tell me that they decided not to come to the office today – discovered after I made the 100tk and 45 minute trek to their office. Or how professionals are always out of the office doing fieldwork, with no voicemail box and emails that bounce back. Or moving offices and not updating the new address and number on their website for 5 months. Or continuously postponing a meeting – for 6 weeks.

Yesterday, I was supposed to attend a meeting on the other side of the city – 20 minutes and 1.5km in a traffic jam, I get a text saying it’s cancelled – again. Should I just head home, or head to this place with nothing to do? It’s very hard to wander aimlessly in this city without the fear of falling into a sewage system or accidently winding up in a slum with your $600 camera in tote.

I stayed in the CNG and called another Fulbright Scholar, Herb Propper, knowing that he was doing a lecture in the same area. Herb and his assistant Saba have been kindly helping me try to get in contact with appropriate organizations for my project. Again, they generously invited me along to their event – which I then discovered was a private psychodrama session. With permission of the group members and my oath of confidentiality, I was allowed to sit in on the session.

It was one of those days where good things fall apart to make room for better things. I was blown away by the effectiveness and energy of pyschodrama. I saw, and Herb, correct me if I’m wrong, that a large part of psychodrama surrounds the concept of roles – how a drama has the different character actors, director etc.; our psyche works the same. One group member began to feel confused, pressured and weak. These feelings bubbled during one experiment. With this group member, a full psychodrama was performed, playing different roles to dig up the truth of the feelings and how to address them.*

I was stunned: sitting in a chair in the corner observing yet fully absorbed. I couldn’t help but cry at the intensity of this group member’s feelings, relating them to my own. I have a blessed curse of being able to relate to any emotion and being moved to love the person expressing it.

Herb began the session with an important theory that I needed to hear as well: the theory of spontaneity. One part of the simple definition of spontaneity is when you have an old, familiar situation with a new response – when this occurs, you have acted spontaneously. I have been here for three months still searching for avenues to do my topic. For three months, I’ve been approaching this project the same way, and I way I am used to (expecting speed and results). Clearly, it’s not working. So now I must adjust, adapt and change – either my process, or my topic.

So today, with the help of Saba, I finally could call one organization I’ve been trying to reach. They told me that in order to work in their shelter, which still doesn’t fit the ideal description of my project, I must write a letter to ask permission to just have a meeting with head of the shelter to then ask for approval to simply visit, let alone study. After a month of trying to reach them, yet another step! I was ready to throw the phone off the roof when I heard this. All I want is to love these women, is that so difficult?

But – I must adapt. I am here with a goal and it will be met, just in ways I don’t expect.

*Due to absolute confidentiality, the exact events of the drama will not be revealed.

Bangladesh's Future Rests on Development of Ethical Financial Markets

Article by fellow Fulbright Scholar, Dr. Parvez Ahmed

A good article to understand the markets and ethics (or lack-thereof) of Bangladesh.

Fulbright Orientation

Renaissance Hotel lobby, Washington DC

Back from Fulbright orientation in Washington DC!!  Getting put up in the Renaissance Hotel was sweet as pie but orientation was a great help.  There were alumn from Bangladesh sharing their stories, photos (check out Geoffrey Hiller's amazing photos of Bangladesh), literature and tips for buying cell phones and American waffles in Dhaka.  It has been inspiring yet complete information overload.  And if you looked at my first post, orientation confirmed the ability of Dhaka to give you vertigo.

This gathering also confirmed my contentment with this scholarship program.  I did not feel that any of the grantees that I met were in any way rude or undeserving of this grant. Everyone was trying to learn more about the next year of lives but were also sharing reasons for their decisions and hopes for their project.  It may seem obvious but everyone was motivated, and enthusiastic which is a great energy to thrive in.  I certainly worshiped my fellow NYC roommate, working on her PhD at 24.

I was able to listen to other alumn on their first international research grant who admitted that it was difficult to be their own boss.  I was comforted in my own lack of focus, slightly fearing my own inadequacy of completing goals with no pressure from outside sources.  My fellow grantees traveling to Bangladesh were intelligent, and warmhearted with a sense of humor.  I met other intelligent alumn from different countries working on similar anti-trafficking projects that I plan to keep in touch with.

One of the research alumns from Sri Lanka (who, coincidently, research anti-trafficking programs) said something that rang completely true: for anytime that you are feeling alone, remember why you choose this scholarship, this project and this country.  Lucky for me, it's written on my wrist - paagli didi.

the tattoo in Bengali on my right wrist

And of all the things that must be done before my departure (you know, like vaccines and paperwork and packing), I feel that I am ready with the right attitude: flexibility, perseverance, and an openness to serendipity.

My flight is booked!!

I leave Monday morning of July 13th from JFK. I have a day layover in Tokyo on Tuesday July 14th to hang out with some friends. I fly to Kuala Lumpur the morning of Wednesday July15th then a flight to Bangkok to visit Mark for three full days, where "we will see the reclining Buddha and eat delicious street food and go swimming" (and by Erik's advice, go to a pong show...) Then the morning of Sunday July 19th, I fly back to KL then land in Dhaka around 4:oopm.

PHEW! This includes me, my nerves, my patience, my big backpack, my new Canon G10 named Harvey, and my new Mac named Clarence... and my hopes that my luggage won't get lost!

My Fulbright: Basic Q&A

Hello all! There have been so many questions being thrown at me - some easy to answer, some not. So I thought I'd try to answer them here in hopes of making everyone feel clear!

Q: When do you leave?
A: End of June, beginning of July. The research must begin as the academic year starts, so that is the beginning of September. I received an additional grant to learn the language of Bangladesh, Bengali, for two months - so I leave for July. I am visiting Bangkok for a few days before I arrive in Dhaka to see my friend Mark who is working for the IOM on sex trafficking.

Q: How long will you be there?
A: The language grant is for two months, the research grant from 9-10 = about a year. I plan on spending some time in SE Asia but I will certainly be back in America to be in Erica's wedding mid-August!

Q: Where are you living?
A: I will be in the capitol of Dhaka. I am hoping to stay in a friend's house 10 minutes from my language school in the nice area of Banani. I am also hoping my room is not on the first floor, so I can avoid flooding.

Q: What will you be doing?
A: First I learn Bengali intensively for two months, then my research starts and I continue to take language classes for three more months. My research is on the independence of women after sex trafficking and the role NGOs play. Some centers have good approaches towards helping women become self-sufficient - some centers need work. Instead of demanding organizations to be better, I want to highlight organizations who already are practicing great methods to help women and girl who have been trafficked. The University of Dhaka will be helping me with my research.

Q: Do you get credit for this?
A: No, the Fulbright Scholarship is more like a research grant. I hope to publish my piece if things work out.

Q: Who is paying for this?
A: The American Government! They did something right. I get a base amount to buy my plane ticket, buy research books and equipment, and set up my apartment, then I get a monthly stipend to pay for rent, food and transportation. The language grant covers my courses.

Q: Will you have a phone?
A: I plan on buying a local one when I'm there, but my parents are kind enough to pay for a wireless card so I can Skype and email when I am in my room. So please, keep up with me!! :)

Q: Are you nervous?
A: Hahahahaha - of course I am! This is a huge step, I know it - though I don't comprehend the intensity of it. At first I was not only nervous, but scared. I am not anymore. I am ignoring the length of it, the lonliness that can ensue - because this is too wonderful an opportunity to ignore so I must face it. Now I laugh - I laugh at how insane of a decision it is, the length, the prestige. A friend gave great advice: "Look, you are a traveler. You know that some days you will want to book a flight home tomorrow. And you know that some days you will say that you are going native. You are entering this expedition knowing this - so let it come as it comes." Simple, yet so accurate (thanks, J!) Also, visiting good websites like my friend Lindsay, online magazines (Brave New Traveler) and reading inspiring books (The Tales of a Female Nomad) have been granting me extra courage.

Fulbright Project

STATEMENT OF GRANT PURPOSE
Amanda Fxxxxxxx, Bangladesh, Anthropology
The Effects of Grassroots Programs on Women Victims of Trafficking

In my research project, I will investigate the different rehabilitation initiatives of non-governmental and community based organizations’ anti-trafficking programs in Dhaka, Bangladesh. Reviewing the progress of their after-care programs will identify successful components of model programs for the autonomy of the women and girls they serve. Through sponsorship of Dr. Rxxxxx (letter forthcoming) from the Development Studies Department at Dhaka University, I will conduct structured interviews with various anti-trafficking advocates to explore their opinions on the programs. These interviewees will include members of NGO organizations, activists of women’s rights, and the women themselves who are living in post-trafficking shelters. To gain more access into the lives of these women, I intend to volunteer in local shelters to observe firsthand the value of the academic, vocational and therapeutic developmental programs available. My final evaluation will highlight extensively the approaches that best support women’s autonomy after commercial sexual exploitation.

My work in the All Bengal Women’s Union in Kolkata, India allowed me to spend personal time with Bangladeshi girls who were sexually exploited. Their stories haunt my mind, and pushed me to promote awareness of sex trafficking and to identify the best methods of rehabilitation and prevention. According to the United States’ Trafficking in Persons Report 2007, Bangladesh has made progress in prosecuting trafficking offenses and in creating awareness campaigns geared towards vulnerable communities, but it relies on NGOs to provide medical and psychosocial care to victims. Illegal migration is a governmental issue, as is the immediate arrest of those who threaten human security through trafficking, as defined in the United Nations’ Report of the Secretary General High-level Panel on Threats, Challenges and Change (2004). However, I will focus on the role of community based organizations and grassroots campaigns to not only provide the rehabilitation of these females, but also to empower their voices to increase the efficacy of prevention programs.

Surrounded by Bangladeshi girls in the shelter, I pushed myself to learn more of the staggering history of Bangladesh. The last 100 years have been unstable for the nation, including several tyrannical leaderships, liberation wars, and economic insecurity. The Bengali woman has struggled to maintain her identity, which has often been crushed by the marginalization of sexual exploitation. An article called “A Tale of Two Cities,” written by Smarajit Jana, argues that the most horrific effect of trafficking is not the nature of the labor, but the outcome that leaves a woman with little or no option to voice herself (2002). With no place for self-expression, many women fall back into the vicious cycle of exploitation. However, yet another trait of Bangladesh is its strength and creativity during adversity. A country with a great academic history and pervasive political activism, Bangladesh has made progressive strides due to grassroots organizations. These shelters offer a freedom that allows victims to discover their roles in society.

I am currently reading articles on this topic in a course I am co-teaching at Pace University entitled “The Impact of Conflict on Women and Children.” With the Critical Language Enhancement Award, I will spend June to August learning Bengali at the University of Wisconsin’s South Asian Summer Language Institute to strengthen my Bengali needed for the interviews. Upon my arrival in Dhaka around September 7th, I will investigate important organizations and shelters within the community that deal with the issues of sex trafficking. Working with local communities and shelters, I can observe the women’s responses and progress from program initiatives. After informally meeting with at least 10 anti-trafficking shelters and at least 8 anti-trafficking activists and experts in the months of September to December, I will develop structured interview questions with Dr. Rxxxxx. During the months of January to April, the interviews will be conducted with advocates and the women involved, to determine the goals and effectiveness of the programs. I will also do brief interviews with women within the shelter I work in and follow their progress throughout their time at the shelter, observing their progress in programs made available to them. With my knowledge of Bengali and a student translator, I will be able to conduct the interviews in the women’s native tongue, allowing them to feel more comfortable. From the months of March to May, Dr. Rxxxx and I will analyze my recordings and notes to outline messages and strategies for a guideline for NGO’s rehabilitation programs. I plan to have my notes cataloged before my departure in June.

This project will investigate the paths of women’s development after their tragic commercial sexual exploitation. Leading to unique insights, messages and strategies, my research can help local organizations further aid the after-care programs of reintegrating females into society. While government based prevention campaigns and enactment of laws are an important step towards elimination, they are not the end all. The demands factors of sex trafficking occur on many levels, such as global injustice, gender and class discrimination, poverty, and a lack of education. Therefore, there needs to be a multilevel approach towards its eradication. Studying the rehabilitation programs can spread awareness to the Bengali community to understand the importance of after-care, as well as teaching Western institutions that “saving” these women from their sexual bonds is not the final step. Reviewing the efforts of local programs from my Western perspective in Bangladesh will allow for a cooperative understanding between Western activists and Bengali advocates, as well as assisting the women in need. The empowerment gained by the women will not only guide them towards self-sufficiency, but to take on leadership roles to disseminate information on the deception and cruelty of sex trade.

The research through this scholarship will provide me with the academic knowledge necessary to produce action. Tying the local communities to global citizenship will be an excellent experience for my career aspirations. I will leave for Bangladesh in September 2009, and upon my return in the summer of 2010, I will work with non-profit organizations to apply my understanding of small focused groups creating change. In fall 2010, I will apply to graduate schools with programs in public and social policy so I can take my appreciation for local organizations and help give them more power at the legislative level.